The Bear and the Tape Measure

“You know the cave is exactly one point three eight miles over there, right?” said the Tape Measure.

“That’s nice,” said the Bear, without turning the way the Tape Measure was pointing.

The Tape Measure had little spindly arms and legs of her own, but she was still riding on the Bear’s back. The Bear had four big paws covered in brown fur, each of them easily big enough to wrap around the little Tape Measure and cover it completely.

“We need to head back to the cave right now!” shouted the Tape Measure.

“But I want to go this way,” said the Bear, going that way.

“It’ll be nightfall soon, and we’ll never find our way back at night,” the Tape Measure insisted.

“That’s probably true,” said the Bear, without changing course.

The Bear wandered down the hill, more or less along an old worn trail full of curves and twists. Less because he was trying to stick to the path than because it happened to be the most appealing way for him to go, step by step. The Tape Measure had no idea where this path led as it took its circuitous route among the trees and bushes, but the sight of the sun growing low in the sky through the canopy above made her go wobbly all along her 36-inch length.

This idiot Bear needs to get headed in the right direction or I’ll never get any sleep tonight!

“Come on, you need to head that way now!” the Tape Measure repeated.

“Why should I?”

“Because it’s almost nighttime!”

The Bear yawned. “Yeah, I’m getting kinda tired myself. Figure I’ll just wait till it gets dark and drop off to sleep wherever I happen to be.”

“But what about me?”

“What about you?”

“I can’t sleep out here!”

“Why not?”

“My toothbrush is in the cave. My blankie is in the cave. This whole forest is full of animals that might eat me!”

“Well, if you’re so upset about it maybe you should just head over to the cave yourself. I think I’m gonna find something to eat, I’m starving.”

“Oh you idiot and your idiot stomach! You’re gonna get me killed this way!”

But with her thin little legs trembling, the Tape Measure dismounted from the Bear and took a few hesitating steps back toward the cave. With a few parting words the Bear kept going on his way, more or less sticking to the well-trodden path.

The Tape Measure walked slowly. It was pointless! She’d never make it back to the cave in time unless she was riding on the Bear’s back. There was still a little sunlight left, but the shadows were already growing long. Soon the world would go dark and she’d be snatched up by wolves. Or gobbled by raccoons. Or devoured by mountain lions!

With damp eyes, she was about to give up and die already, when what should she find behind a tree but a bush full of blackberries? So many, so plump, so full of sweet juice! Exactly what the Bear was looking for, and easily enough to fill up even the biggest hairy beast’s belly.

The Tape Measure was about to run out to the Bear, shouting about her new find, when she had a thought. She weaved herself together into a basket shape, grabbed as many berries as she could, and dumped them into herself. Carrying all the berries in her little basket-self, she made off quietly toward the last spot where she’d seen the Bear.

And that stupid Bear was still wandering around aimlessly. The Tape Measure rolled her eyes to see how he plodded along. But she dropped a berry in the middle of the path, shouting to the bear, “Hey, look what I found here!”

Slowly — because of course he couldn’t hurry, now could he? — the Bear turned around and headed toward the Tape Measure.

“Look at this! It’s a berry. You like berries, don’t you?” said the Tape Measure.

“I do like berries,” the Bear said, eating the one on the ground. Then he narrowed his eyes at the Tape Measure. “You look kinda different.”

The Tape Measure waved a hand, “No, I’ve always looked this way.”

And before the Bear could say anything more she jumped on his back, settling in comfortably. Then she tossed a berry in the direction of the cave, near enough that the Bear could hear it rustle the grass. The Bear darted after it, gobbling it down all in a moment.

Great! We’ll be home in no time!

The Tape Measure tossed another one, and the Bear chased it down.

Then another.

And another.

And so on.

When they were about halfway home to the cave, the Tape Measure tossed another berry. But this time the Bear didn’t go for it. Instead he glanced up and over, saying, “Did you just toss that berry?”

“…. no, of course not, you must be seeing things. You can go get the berry if you want it.”

The Bear sat down, almost causing the Tape Measure to lose her seat on his back. Rubbing his eyes with his paws, the bear asked, “Have you been tossing those berries all this time?”

“Would I do a thing like that?”

“Have you seriously been tossing berries just so you can get me to take you back to the cave?”

The Tape Measure laughed nervously. “You must be tired, you’re not thinking clearly, why don’t we go rest somewhere?”

The Bear stood up on his hind legs and looked down at the Tape Measure, who spilled half of her berries on the ground. While she scurried to gather them up, the Bear said, “You do know that is some seriously manipulative-ass bullshit, don’t you?”

“But I can — ”

But before the Tape Measure could explain, the Bear reached down, grabbed her, and tossed her down his fang-lined jaws, berries and all.

Then he gathered up the spilled berries, ate them, and went back to wandering as before.