At the Corner
She stood at the corner of Second and Main at about two, three in the afternoon.
Sweet little blonde, probably still had to use a fake ID when she went clubbing, which one look at her was enough to tell you was a thing she definitely did. She wore denim short-shorts of the variety where her cheeks would peek out the bottom, especially when she walked — which she wasn’t, but it was one of those things where you had to keep looking back to check, just in case you missed something. She also wore a black tank top with the words For the Love of God Won’t Somebody Save the Whales and Quit Staring at my Tits printed across her (admittedly rather well-developed) chest.
I should also mention, because it was immediately obvious to any onlooker, that she held a tiny box, about the size and shape of one of the boxes jewelry stores put rings in. And the reason it was so noticeable was that she was rapidly passing the box from her left hand to her right hand and back again. Now and again she would glance down at her hands passing the box between them and grimace before her face returned to its wonted sweet smile.
If you watched her closely for a while — which would be super rude, so don’t do that — you’d notice that she was now and then accosting passers-by on the sidewalk, heading in or out of the bank or any of a number of upscale restaurants downtown.
In fact, that’s what she’s doing right now. Let’s listen in, shall we?
“Excuse me sir, do you have just a minute to spare I need to talk to you about saving the whales please ignore the box it’s just a nervous tic I can’t help it I can’t help passing it from hand to hand like this I swear.”
The man nodded with a delighted smile and seemed to have trouble maintaining eye contact with the girl. He’d manage it for a few seconds, but then he’d look down and his eyes would track the little box — left, right, left, right, left, right…
He wasn’t a young man, but not an old man, either. Old enough to be the girl’s father, but not old enough to be her grandfather, let’s say.
Anyway, he said, “Sure thing, I have a moment. What’s this about saving the whales?”
“It’s just that it’s so horrible and it makes me so self-conscious when people look at me and all they see is me passing the box between my hands instead of focusing on what I’m trying to say about the whales, so just don’t focus on this box and the way it’s going in between my hands, okay?”
The man nodded. Then he caught himself watching the box and looked back up at the girl’s face.
“Good,” she said. “So anyway the whales please don’t look at the box the whales are endangered and I’m raising money to save them please remember don’t look at the box I get uncomfortable when people draw attention to the box.”
The man nodded. “Yeah, sure, I mean I like, uh…”
“Whales, sir.”
“Right, whales! Thank you, I like whales as much as the next guy. Baleen, fins, the ocean, blowholes — ”
“Please don’t mention blowholes, sir.”
“Oh, of course, I apologize. But yeah, baleen, fins, the ocean, eating krill… it’s all really great stuff. If you’re, uh, sorry there, it’s just the box — whoops, didn’t mean to mention you know what — nut if you’re raising money to save the whales, I’d be happy to help you out.”
“I think you meant but if I’m raising money to save the whales and please oh please don’t mention the box or pay any attention to it in any way.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant… what did I say?”
“Uh… something different, it’s not important but if you could help out in any way and not mention the box it’d be very much appreciated sir.”
The man reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “All I have on me is a twenty, but I’ll do what I can to help the, uh…”
“Whales, sir.”
The man nodded and moved to hand the girl the bill. She stopped passing the box back and forth between her hands, opened it up, and faced it toward the man, saying, “If you could just put the money straight in there that would be great, sir. Just make sure you don’t touch the — ”
But the man had already touched the edge of the box.
A rumbling shook the earth, as of a distant earthquake, or a nearby one growing closer. The tiny box in the girl’s hand began to grow and grow until she couldn’t hold it anymore. The man shrank away, crouching close, but appeared too terrified to actually flee.
Strangely, everybody else on the street just went about their business.
The girl stood poised, finally able to stop passing the box between her hands, as the box itself grew to the size of a house and sprouted dripping fangs the size of traffic cones. It turned on the man, engulfing him in one stroke, biting and gnawing and crushing him as his screams filled the air but nobody around seemed to notice. Arms waving, legs writhing, he tried to claw his way out, shouting for help all the while.
Then with a great gulp, it was all over.
The twenty-dollar bill drifted to the ground, where the girl picked it up. Within thirty seconds the enormous box had returned to its previous size.
The girl rearranged her hair, shaking her head. “Well I tried to warn him didn’t I try to warn him I tried to warn him not to touch the box not even to look at the box but did he listen no he didn’t listen.”
A minute later she was talking to another man at the corner of Second and Main. She said, “Excuse me sir, do you have just a minute to spare I need to talk to you about saving the whales…?”